it was never supposed to be more than just a break

… completely speechless… i guess u really cant help the way u feel… don’t u ever get that feeling when you are too overwhelmed and you just want to express how u feel but you just don’t know where to start, or you can’t show how much you are breaking inside so it may seem like you’re being heartless although it’s the total opposite… i tend to beat myself up mentally sooooo much… i feel so much guilt and pressure…i always over thing things or overreact but i’m just so concerned…i really cant do anything to change what has happened…just need to wait it out… it’ll seem like an eternity… time heals all, right?….right?…

Ha lemme just say it’s been INTERESTING… goods n bads… HELLA RANDOM crap haha… surprises… hectic…ha too crazy for me to handle… details later… but i’m liking how it’s getting REAL interesting LOL

In order starting from midnight

numb.
helpless.
broken.
exhausted.
determined.
lazy.
anxious.
confused.
nervous.
relieved.
disappointed.
interested.
surprised.
acknowledged.
happy.
selfless.
amused.
confused.
sad.
content.
thankful.

So I’ve been trying to stand tall for the past couple of days, n it’s been really really hard… esp when you’re just over 5’0. After a while, i kinda figured that i really try too hard n i can care about other’s feelings too much that i really don’t care about my own. But after seeing that you can only do so much for people, i realized i need to learn how to be a lil selfish once in a while for my well being so imma take today as my starting point. I just need to keep reminding myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life…. I cant change what happened, but what i do now can affect how things will turn out therefore i can help shape my future. I need to remind myself this everyday. I can only hope that the difficult decisions i made will just help me become stronger. I’m gunna take advantage of today and do something for me for once…. i’m gunna make it count.